Mommie Smearest: Bitch Selfie Ain't Make You No Movie Star
- ISBN-10
- 0989380521
- ISBN-13
- 9780989380522
- Pages
- 280
- Language
- English
- Published
- 2016-05-31
- Publisher
- Blue Core Omnimedia Incorporated
- Author
- L LeSueur
Description
(Joan's new rap-dance smash hit animated music video "Bitch Selfie Ain't Make You No Movie Star" will debut in July.) JOAN GETS THE LAST WORD When Movie Mean Queen Joan Crawford is outraged to find herself stopped at the gate to Hollywood Heaven and ordered to Hell FOR REASONS WELL KNOWN TO HER, she charms (acts) her way past the guard into Heaven on probation. To get off parole, Crawford must return to Earth and explain her sins, and do good works by rescuing celebrity worship from the false gods and invading armies of reality starlets and civilian selfies. Reinventing herself as the rap artist m.o.m.m.i.e.D, Crawford executes her mission with stamina and determination, sacking and burning the fake-reality temples of Hollywood, sports, business, media, politics, and smartphones from her secret base at a Florida trailer park, among other glamorous locations. Crawford relaxes between pillaging and plot twists with phony flashbacks from her Hollywood life: scenes include her maternal-instinct TV audition for The Brady Bunch, and Joan's fishy defense and acquittal of herself for alleged devilry in her own home. Crawford's new unauthorized fake autobiography and pop culture parody brims with the star's sage wisdom and stunning lies right up to her closing surprises. Joan finally gets the last word on everything. Includes Joan as m.o.m.m.i.e.D in Her Rap-Dance Smash Hit "Bitch Selfie Ain't Make You No Movie Star (Selfie Junkie)" Feat. the Christian Rap-Thug Porn Star R.E.L.E.N.T.L.E.$.$.B.B.C.
